jelly
by jelly82
Summary: Jen and Tilly (jelly) haven't shared an intimate moment since the incident with the polaroid but that seems to be in the past now as they try and rekindle their friensdhip..and resist taking it further. Would really appreciate any comments/criticism/ideas or tips..hope you enjoy! p.s. this story will not be following the plot in hollyoaks
1. Chapter 1

Jen was nearly finished hanging the pictures on the wall ready for her next lesson when she heard the door close gently behind her. Her heart leaped as she saw the most beautiful sight in the world standing before her, Tilly. She didn't think she would ever get used to seeing such a perfect sight. Of course she could appreciate the beauty in the world around her, it was what filled her life with joy but Tilly was something else. When she walked into the room it was as if everything else dimmed, their colours suddenly muted and dull and all her eyes could concentrate on was Tilly's face or the way her fringe fell slightly over her eyes when she was concentrating. In fact it was beginning to become a problem in class for she was always fighting to keep her attention on the other students. Holding back the tide would be easier she thought wryly to herself as she smiled in welcome at Tilly.

'What are you smiling at?' Tilly asked, seeing Jen's face breaking into a wonderful smile. 'Nothing', Jen tried to mask her emotions but it was impossible, her face mirrored her emotions, it was one of the things Tilly loved so much about her. 'I've just come to see if you need any help setting up before the lesson', Tilly had decided that she would use that excuse for turning up early today, just in case. Jen smiled again knowing that that was not the reason behind Tilly's visit but also knowing that they needed an excuse. She hated the way she was always reminded of the fact that they were student and teacher but thankful that they could at least be friends even if they yearned for so much more. After the polaroid incident she hadn't been sure if Tilly would ever forgive her but after a few awkward encounters things seemed to have settled back to the way they had been.

'Could you pin this up for me please?' Tilly took the painting Jen was handing to her and carried it over to the wall. She began with the bottom and was struggling to reach the top when she sensed a presence behind her. A shiver shot through her spine as Jen's hand closed over hers, helping her to push the painting up and then securing it with a pin. All the while Tilly could concentrate on nothing but Jen's body pushed up against her, the smell of her perfume invading her senses, the feel of her hand on hers. She turned abruptly so that her face was no more than an inch away from Jen's. All she wanted to do was lean forward that extra inch and kiss her beautiful lips but fear held her back. She had been rejected too many times and she had not come this close since the incident with the polaroid. How could all she desired by so close and yet so impossibly far. But for now she was content to stand there, Jen's body almost unbearably close, and stare intently into her eyes.

Jen's breath was beginning to quicken as she gazed adoringly into Tilly's face, her whole being was screaming at her to lean forward. She traced her hand lightly across Tilly's cheekbone, watching the effect it had on the girl before her. Her self-control was slipping like water through a cupped hand but then she jumped backwards as she heard the door open behind her. Her heart racing she cursed herself and her own weakness. Tilly was her student a fact that she had to remember. Lust would not ruin her career. Of course deep down she knew that they had travelled beyond mere lust but it helped her to think that it was only a physical desire. She would not let the word love enter her thoughts and ruin everything for her. Walking towards her desk she smiled weakly at the students pouring into the classroom and vowing that her control would not waver again.

Tilly watched as Jen's face changed from panic to determination. Sighing quietly she lowered herself into her seat, knowing that once again she had pushed things too far and frightened Jen. Yet it had been Jen who had approached her, Jen who had pushed her body up against Tilly's. Her thoughts in turmoil she tried to focus her attention on what George was saying. But a 'mmmm' of agreement was all she could muster because she was too intent on watching as Jen bent over to pick up the last painting. No matter what else Jen had a beautiful body and Tilly's eyes were transfixed on her tight bum as the woman bent over. 'Tilly what are you thinking about, your miles away!'. Tilly blushed and stammered an apology, snapped harshly back to reality.


	2. Chapter 2

The rest of the lesson past in a blur for both women, Tilly lost in watching Jen, listening to her melodious voice and delighting in her passion. For Jen the hour was spent trying every second not to look at Tilly for too long, not to walk over and touch her and to stop herself from spending the whole lesson in her company. After the bell went she fled in relief to the storeroom to gather her thoughts.

Tilly's eyes followed her, wondering if the lesson could possibly have felt as intense for Jen. Of course she knew it hadn't because Jen didn't feel the same way. Yes, she had told her that she wanted her but surely if Jen loved her as much as Tilly loved Jen then she would risk anything and everything to be with her. A stab of guilt flashed across her mind. She wasn't being fair and she knew it. Jen had told her once of how hard it had been in university for her, how her parents had refused to support her and so Jen had found herself holding down two jobs and still achieving a first. She shook her head slightly, trying to rid any negative feelings towards Jen because after all it wasn't Jen that she was angry at. It was society and the cruel restrictions humans placed upon each other.

'Tills you coming, we said we would meet Maddie by the bridge?' George tugged on her arm. Tilly paused for a second before making a decision.

'You go I won't be long I just have to check if my homework is ok'. George stood rolling his eyes in mock annoyance but smiling fondly as he left the room and admiring Tilly's dedication to every aspect of her work.

As soon as the door was closed Tilly headed towards the storeroom. Jen was sitting on the chair, her head in her hands but she looked up as Tilly walked in and closed the door.

'Tilly what are you doing, you know we can't get caught like this, it's…' Tilly ignored Jen's latest tirade about why they simply couldn't be and interrupted her before she could get into the full flow.

'Look Jen I know ok. I'm not here to try anything I just wanted to say that I understand. I know how important this is to you and I'm so sorry if I've caused you any distress.' Jen looked up at her and marvelled once again at how mature she was, how calm and sensible. She stood reaching out once again, almost subconsciously, and tracing her finger lightly along her face.

'Tilly, you haven't caused me any distress, it's not being able to be with you that causes that.' Why was she saying this, she knew that this would only get Tilly's hopes up and yet the words flowed from her mouth, her aching heart desperate for Tilly to know how she felt.

Tilly's heart was pounding but she kept her face rigid as she reached up and pulled Jen's hand from her face. Forcing her fingers to let go she took a deep breath before saying what she knew she had to say. 'But that's not the point is it? We're not going to be together so we're going to just have to stop all this. Earlier in class, you just can't do that to me Jen, you're messing with my head.' Tilly saw the guilt flash in Jen's eyes and knew that an apology was coming. 'No don't apologise it's just the way it has to be. I'll see you in class Miss Gillmore.' Fighting back the tears Tilly turned and walked out of the classroom, hating herself for hoping that Jen would call her back.

But Jen did not call her back, in fact Jen could not move. Of course she knew that they couldn't be together but to hear Tilly say it, to have Tilly being the one to push her away. Slowly she lowered herself back onto the chair, clutching her arms around herself in an attempt to ward off the wave of desperation threatening to engulf her. She knew she ought to be grateful, to thank Tilly for what she had done but it was impossible. Had Tilly moved on then? Of course she had, after all she was young and beautiful, there were probably plenty of other girls who wanted her. It had been exciting because Jen was a teacher but now that had worn off and she had moved on. Numbly Jen uncurled herself and walked in an almost dream-like state back into the class.

As she entered the room her eyes moved subconsciously to the poster on the wall, to the place where only an hour earlier she was sure that she had seen her own love mirrored in Tilly's eyes. Yes it was love, she could no longer deny that for the pain was far too intense for her feelings to be anything else. If only she had leaned forward, had taken those perfect lips in hers and let her hands feel every inch of her….But dreaming was pointless. Slowly, determinedly, Jen turned away from the poster and walked back towards her desk. She had to forget about Tilly now, she had been freed and she could return all of her focus to her work. In fact she no longer cared, Tilly could do what she wanted and Jen would follow her own dreams. Forcing her brain to accept the lie Jen began on the enormous pile of marking before her, wishing that her heart would accept the lie just as readily.


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as Tilly was out of sight however her shoulders crumpled and she clutched at her stomach trying to numb the pain before it took over. Fighting back the tears burning behind her eyes Tilly hurried home, anxious to reach the seclusion of her room where she would finally allow her feelings to take control.

That night the image of Tilly leaving haunted Jen in the dark. As if a film was waiting to play every time she closed her eyes she watched time and time again as the one person who she wanted more than anything else walked out of her life. The memory of her beautiful eyes usually so full of life turning cold and empty was seared painfully into Jen's mind and all she wanted to do was reach out and comfort her. But it was too late, Tilly hated her and it was all her own fault. Why couldn't' she have been brave, defied convention, done what felt so right…..because it was wrong. The voice in her head as always reminding her that Tilly was a student, her student. She was nothing more than a sixteen year old girl and Jen knew that she should have known better. The doubts and guilt racked Jen in the darkness until finally her tiered eyes closed and she drifted into a troubled sleep, her hand still clutching the polaroid beneath her pillow.

If only she knew that hate was the last emotion Tilly felt when thinking about her. Tilly too had spent the night re-living every second of their meeting. As soon as the bed-room door had closed behind her she had allowed the tears to rack her body. Once the tears had began flowing it had been hours before they stopped. Tilly had never cried like that in her life, a crying that renders you helpless to your pain. Every tear had been a razor raking her skin over and over, releasing the pain inside her heart. Eventually the tears had subsided and she had dragged herself from the bed to the bathroom. Staring back at her from the mirror was a wreck of the girl she knew, her eyes red and puffy and her face haggard by the strain of the past few hours. As she stared a stray tear wound its way past her cheekbone. Angrily she brushed it away, hating her own weakness.

Now Tilly lay staring at the celling wondering how things had gone so wrong. That day on the beach had been perfect. She could not even explain to herself why she had felt so instantly attracted to Jen, maybe it had been her adventurous spirit or her obvious passion for art or maybe the way her face would light from within….Tilly shook her head desperately trying to rid these thoughts from her mind. But she could not ignore them, neither could she ignore that aching emptiness she felt. The emptiness had always been there but she had never been pained by it before, she had plenty of friends and goals to fill her life. But then there came Jen and Tilly had realised what she was missing, she had felt whole, complete. But now she was gone and she could not ignore the emptiness now that she knew how it felt to be whole.

….

'Wow Tills you look like crap, what time did you get to sleep last night?'

Brutally honest as ever, Maddie sat down next to Tilly on the bench.

'Oh you know late, I've got a coursework deadline this week but it's finished now.'

Maddie looked in concern at her best friend, it wasn't like her too be behind on work. In fact Tilly hadn't been herself for a few weeks, well it was her place to cheer her up.

'Right tonight Sinead's mum's going out and miss Gillmore's going to some art gallery or something Sinead said so we'll get a bottle of wine, some vodka and we are cheering you up ok'.

'Oh I don't Madds I'm really tiered…'

The very last thing Tilly wanted to do was spend the night trying to pretend to be happy and alcohol probably wasn't the best thing for her at the moment. As she looked around desperately trying to think of a convincing excuse she saw Jen walking towards them. The dark bruises under her eyes suggested that she'd had a bad night too. But if she'd been upset about Tilly she didn't' show it. Ind fact Jen walked past her without even looking at Tilly. The cold way which Jen could ignore her hurt more than she could explain, every time felt like Jen was cutting her open.

'Actually do you know what let's do it I could do with a drink.'

Tilly couldn't be bothered to try anymore she wanted to forget about Jen , wanted to get rid of the painful feelings just for one night and a bottle of vodka should allow her at least a few hours blissful oblivion. Mustering a smile she hugged Maddie and got up to go to her first lesson of the day.

'Right I'm going to chemistry, don't want to be late. I'll meet you here dinner time ok?'

'Yeah and I better go tell Sinead that we'll be coming down tonight and I'll have to go to the house now while they're out to get the drink for tonight. See you later ginge, it's going to be a good night I can feel it!'


	4. Chapter 4

Tilly started into the mirror blinking hard. Slowly, painfully she forced a smile onto her face and survived her work. Yes, she would do, she didn't think anybody would see the pain behind her eyes unless she let them. Her phone beeped, it was Maddie. 'Get your bum down now. I'm outside'. Ignoring the predictable disappointment that she felt every time it wasn't Jen who had text her Tilly picked up her bag and hurried downstairs. Locking the door behind her as her parents were away on a business conference for the weekend, Tilly marvelled at how effortlessly beautiful Maddie always seemed to look. She may be a pain sometimes but she was trying very hard to cheer Tilly up and she was grateful even though it probably wasn't going to work too well.

'Mmm I love your dress now come on I cannot wait to down the first drink.'

'Me neither, let's go.'

Linking arms they started towards Sinead's.

…

Maddie was right, the first drink was bliss. Tilly felt herself relax slightly knowing that soon she would be able to let the drink take control of her emotions for a few hours.

'So where is your Mum?'

'Aww she's gone over to some friend's house, I would be dead if she knew I was doing this I'm supposed to be revising but I deserve a night off!'

'Yeah definatley…so…ummm what about miss Gillmore? Maddie said she was out tonight too?'

'Oh yeah she's gone to some stupid art event where they use lights to create paintings or something so it has to be dark. Don't worry she won't be back till around three o'clock which is a good thing because I could not stand another night of her banging on about how beautiful the sun is or some stupid tree or whatever! Another drink babe?'

'Yeah bring it on.'

So Jen was out enjoying herself, Tilly couldn't blame her of course after all wasn't she out too? Yet she had thought, or maybe hoped, that Jen might have been slightly more hurt about….But who cared? Tilly was here to enjoy herself and to forget and that was what she was going to so. Accepting the drink gratefully from Sinead she took a long gulp, wincing as the harsh vodka hit the back of her throat.

'Hey babe, steady on you'll be out of it before ten at this rate. Oh no what is he doing here?'

Tilly followed Maddie's gaze and saw Callum walking in behind Bart. Maddie's face had clouded over and she was pointedly looking the other way.

'Are you still not talking?'

'No, I don't want to talk to him either. It's his fault not mine.'

'Ummm Madds I think he's coming over.'

Callum was walking over purposefully, his brooding gaze intent on Maddie.

'Look Maddie can we talk? We can't spend all of tonight ignoring each other.'

Giving an ice cold look Maddie rolled her eyes.

'You've got one minute, I'll be back now ok?'

Tilly nodded and downed the rest of her drink. She could hear Ruby calling her over but she pretended not to here and reached for the already half empty vodka bottle. Liquid oblivion – perfect.

…

Jen glanced longingly at the wine table, desiring nothing more than to seize a bottle and disappear into some dark corner somewhere. But she knew that it would not be a good idea as she was driving home and so she tore her gaze back to the room. There were plenty of people milling around in anticipation for the display which would be beginning in about an hour. Jen had no wish to talk to anyone and so she wandered aimlessly around trying, and failing, to focus on the posters which explained how the concept behind the night's display. She was angry at herself for this lack of interest, after all hadn't she been excited for this ever since picking up the flier? But she had half hoped that she would be sharing this experience with Tilly and somehow it wasn't the same now that she wasn't' here.

Smilingly sadly she found her lost in her memories of the one trip she and Tilly had taken together after deciding that they would be just friends. Jen had visited the art gallery before but with Tilly everything seemed more beautiful, more intense, as if meeting Tilly had opened Jen to a whole new level of appreciation for beauty. And of course the most beautiful thing was the spark of excitement in Tilly's eyes as Jen explained the details of the paintings to her. It was incredible how she seemed to drink in everything Jen taught her, she was so full of curiosity and life. They had of course been extremely careful but somehow their hands always seemed to brush the others, the touch lasting longer than was usual and sending powerful waves of lust through Jen. Almost too powerful. She had come dangerously close to kissing Tilly as they had sat in the car outside Tilly's house but at the last minute common sense had come unwelcomed to the rescue.

Jen's heart beat agonizingly in her chest as she wrenched herself back to the present. She could not do this, what had she been thinking. All she wanted to do was be in the quiet of her room where she would not have to fight every second to keep the tears at bay. Heading quickly towards the door, blinking rapidly, Jen fled out into the night and into the seclusion of her car. She took a few minutes to compose herself before starting home.

…

Where had Maddie gone, she'd been ages. Still with Callum probably. Tilly needed to see her, needed to be comforted. Instead of the desired oblivion her excruciating loss seemed to have manifested and it was consuming Tilly. Holding on to the banister to steady herself she made her way slowly, and unsteadily up the stairs.

'Madds you up here?'

Muttering to herself in her befuddled state Tilly's eyes fell on a closed door. Jen's door. A part of her knew that it was not a good idea but the vodka was telling her that she didn't' care what anybody thought and so she walked over and hurried inside the room. Paintings covered every inch of the wall, beautiful paintings. Tilly gasped it was so…so Jen. Walking over to the bed Tilly picked up her pillow and pressed it to her face. Yes it was slightly creepy but right now all Tilly could concentrate on was this pillow which got to spend every night with Jen and smelled exactly like her. As she lowered the pillow her gaze fell on a photo frame on the shelf opposite the bed. It took a few seconds for Tilly's blurred gaze to focus but when the images finally solidified she saw two women. One was Jen, looking breathtakingly stunning as usual, and with her was another woman. Tilly's insides seemed to freeze as she was that Jen's arm was wrapped lovingly around the other extremely beautiful woman. So was this Jen's ex, or someone new? Putting the photograph down angrily Tillly wiped the tears ferociously from her eyes. She had to go, she had to get out of here now.

Stumbling downstairs Tilly cast around one last time for Maddie but she was still hidden away somewhere. Her whole world seemed to be spinning as she opened the front door and made her way unsteadily down the path. Perhaps that last drink really had not been a good idea. Everything was blurry and out of focus. The next thing Tilly knew she was on the floor, lying motionless on the cold ground. Her ankle burned but she could not move. The dizziness was overpowering, she just needed to lie there for a few minutes to regain control of her senses.

'Tilly…Tilly what's going on, are you ok?

A tender hand seized her face as a familiar yet rather shaken voice reached Tilly in her stupor. Struggling to open her eyes Tilly gazed up. Was she dreaming? No it was Jen! She could feel her warm hand on her face. Tilly tried to talk but if felt like she was trying to drag herself out of the murky depths of a lake and all that came out was a mumble.

'Jen….sorry…drink…didn't mean too…feel sick.'

As if from across a vast cavern she heard Jen saying something and felt her arms gently helping her up. Tilly smiled to herself as she lent on Jen and let her guide her. She felt herself be placed to sit and then a banging sound. Was she moving or was it just her? Shrugging confusedly Tilly decided she didn't care, she was safe with Jen.

Jen looked across at the wonderful girl in the car beside her. Even with mascara smudged across her face Tilly managed to make her heart flutter. Smiling she watched as Tilly's mumbling subsided as her eyes closed and she drifted off into sleep. Jen couldn't just leave her lying there, so helpless and upset. Quieting the doubts gnawing at her insides she told herself firmly that all she was doing was taking Tilly home, in fact she was being a responsible teacher and looking after her pupil. She wondered if she would be doing this if Tilly's parents were home, she had mentioned at the beginning of the week that they would be away. Yes of course she would, there was nothing wrong with escorting a drunk pupil back to their home safely. Yes this pupil did happen to be the one that she was head over heels in love with but that was having no influence on what she was doing right now. Besides they were nearly there and Tilly really did need her bed and Jen had to make sure she was safe. If anything happened to Tilly…Jen shuddered and pushed the thought into the already crowded chest of thoughts she was trying to keep locked away.


	5. Chapter 5

Tilly slowly opened her eyes slowly but then shut the tightly as the blazing sun burned them. Her throat was dry, her head was pounding and she was sure she could taste the harsh bile in her mouth which indicated that last night had not gone too well. Last night…Fragmented memories starting coming back to her and she sat bolt upright remembering who had taken her home. She regretted the sudden movement as her head started spinning but yes, she was there.

Jen was sat curled up in Tilly's chair which she had pulled up next to the bed. Her beautiful face looked so peaceful, so calm and Tilly couldn't help but notice that her hand was lying on the bed as if she had fallen asleep holding Tilly's. A wave of guilt swept through her as she realised what a state she must have been in last night, she just hoped she hadn't let her tongue run loose under the effects of the alcohol. Jen must know that Tilly loved her but she hoped she hadn't told her just how much she missed her, how much her heart longed to be with her. But all these feelings were eclipsed by the happiness Tilly felt as she realised that Jen had brought her home, she had cared enough to take care of her. And now there she was sleeping in Tilly's bedroom. That was a dream which she had, had many times although admittedly they didn't usually end with Jen sleeping in her chair…

Slowly Tilly raised herself out of the bed and crept lightly across the room and out towards the bathroom. She shuddered at the thought of Jen seeing her in such a state the previous night. With Jen, Tilly didn't feel like she had to try, in fact it was wonderful how at ease they were together. Nevertheless it wouldn't hurt to tidy herself up a bit before waking her. After splashing her face with ice cold water, taking a long drink and brushing her teeth Tilly took a deep breath and walked back into her room. She was terrified to see what Jen's reaction would be. After all if spending time in a classroom was too much how would she feel after sleeping in Tilly's room. It had been her choice of course but somehow Tilly always felt as though Jen blamed her for leading her astray.

Smiling tenderly she brushed the hair out of Jen's eyes so that her perfectly straight fringe was realigned. Taking her hand Tilly said gently 'Jen, Jen wake up.' She gave an endearing moan as she opened her eyes reluctantly and squinted around her. Predictably as soon as she remembered where she was she leaped to her feet in panic. Sighing Tilly retreated to the window, preparing herself for Jen's anger.

Jen couldn't' believe what she had done, how could she have been so stupid. When she brought Tilly in she had promised herself that she would leave straight away but then Tilly had been ill and Jen couldn't bring herself to leave. And then once Tilly was finally asleep again she had told herself that she must go but she had looked so beautiful in her sleep that Jen couldn't bear to tear herself away. Glancing at Tilly she saw that the girl looked tense and some of her panic melted away.

'How are you feeling?'

Tilly had watched Jen's inner turmoil projected on her wonderfully expressive face and gave a sigh of relief as she seemed to calm herself.

'Awful! Look Jen, I'm so sorry I was a mess. I had way too much to drink and it was stupid of me. I'm so sorry for putting you in this situation, I didn't mean too. Sinead said you wouldn't be home so I thought it would be ok, I never would have gone if I knew you'd be coming home. I..'

'Tilly' Jen moved automatically forward, placing her finger on Tilly's soft lips to quiet here. She couldn't bear to hear the guilt in Tilly's voice, after all she had been the one who decided to bring Tilly home when she knew full well that Sinead or Maddy would have done so.

'Tilly, it's fine. It wasn't your fault, Sinead was right I was supposed to be out till late but, well I couldn't concentrate...'

Jen still had her finger against Tilly's pink lips and the touch was sending shivers of desire down Tilly's spine. She looked up into Jen's eyes, savouring the contact and the closeness.

'And why couldn't you concentrate?'

Tilly asked, her lips barley moving so as not to dislodge Jen's finger, and keeping the eye contact all the while.

Jen's breath was quickening as she gazed at Tilly, completely stunned once again by her beauty. Trying to resist leaning forward, Jen answered her breath shallow.

'I was just too distracted, couldn't get someone off my mind.'

Her answer made Tilly's heart flutter, here again Jen was more or less telling Tilly that she wanted her. But she would not make the move this time, she couldn't bear to be pushed away again.

'And who exactly is this lucky person?'

This time Tilly moved her lips purposefully so that they dragged across Jen's finger, which was still held there as if Jen was trying to keep some form of desperate barrier between them.

Tilly's lips moving against her skin sent currents of lust coursing through Jen and without thinking she leaned forward.

'Oh I think you know who she is.'

Tilly let out a moan of relief as Jen's lips finally met hers. Both women were lost in a daze of joy and happiness as their lips moved perfectly together. Having no will power to hold herself back as Jen's tongue left a blazing trail across hers Tilly let her hands seize the face of the woman she loved as she returned the kiss passionately.

The sudden movement brought Jen crashing back down to earth and she pulled away hurriedly. What was she doing! Why, why was she so weak. Feeling anger burning inside her Jen pushed away Tilly's extended hand.

'Leave me alone Tilly. That was wrong, completely wrong.'

Recoiling from the anger and harshness in Jen's voice Tilly walked over to the bed and sat down. How dare she do this to her again? Raise her hopes and then dash them into pieces on the floor. Her heart could not take it, it was already smashed into a thousand tiny shards but now Tilly felt as if they could never be put back together again.

'Just leave Jen'.

Her voice was flat, emotionless. All the fight and passion had left, all that was left was emptiness.

Jen started. Her anger died immediately as she saw the pain she had caused Tilly. Hating herself even more she leaned down before her and took her hands in hers. Tilly tried to pull away but Jen held them firm.

'Tilly. Tilly look at me.'

Reluctantly Tilly gazed down into Jen's eyes which she was with a stab of pain were filling with tears.

'Tilly, none of this is your fault. You've got to understand that. All this, it's down to me. I'm the one who can't resist you. I…I love you.'

Both women were shocked and Jen's words seemed to hang in the air. Tilly knew that she loved Jen but to hear Jen confess to loving her back when all she had done was push her away was, was wonderful. In an instant Tilly forgave Jen and she felt as though a blazing ball of light had been lit within her, filling the emptiness with glorious hope.

Jen too was shocked. Yes she knew that she loved Tilly but when it came to emotions Jen was never one to express herself. Her fear of laying herself out before others was usually overwhelming and it stopped her from being able to tell people how she felt. She had always feared revealing too much of herself in the fear that people would use her weaknesses against her. But with a start of realisation she saw finally that Tilly was different. It was such an unusual feeling for Jen that at first she hadn't realised it but now she knew, with Tilly she felt safe. But the smile that had been spreading across her face faded as she realised that the one person she could be completely herself with was also somebody that she simply could not be with.

Buoyed by the renewed hope in her heart Tilly decided that she could take all the pain, it was worth it. Jen was worth it. If Jen loved her then deep down she wanted to be with Tilly and all Tilly had to do was keep fighting to make her realise that.

'My parents are away tonight too. You could stay if you wanted to. We could just hang out, paint maybe, I need some help with my homework. What do you think?'

'Tilly we can't, I can't.'

Jen wished so badly that she could return a different answer, it hurt her just as much to say no. Sighing in frustration she shook her head, trying to make sense of her thoughts. Tilly didn't deserve this pain, neither of them did. And the only thing that would make this pain go away was being together. Simply spending time in Tilly's company made Jen happier than she had ever been before. Why should she give that up? Surely there was nothing wrong with being friends, as long as she made sure that they weren't caught up in another situation like earlier..

'Wait.'

Tilly who had been about to tear herself away from Jen's hold sat back down on the bed, gazing hopefully at Jen.

'What?'

'We can't be together, not like that. I want to more than I can say but it's impossible. We slipped up just now but we've managed to just be friends in the past haven't we? I'm going to see a film tonight, it's French but it'll have subtitles. You could come if you wanted. It's in town so I doubt we'll see anyone we know there. You don't have to come if you don't want too but I just thought..'

'Jen I'd love to come.'

Tilly smiled, no this wasn't perfect but anything was better than nothing. And who knew maybe a night together would enable Jen to forget about her rules.

'What time does it start?'

'Seven I think'

'Well why don't you pick me up around six and that way we'll be able to go in early before anyone else, just in case.'

'Yeah, sounds good'.

Jen was amazed as always at how mature Tilly could be. Standing up awkwardly she motioned towards the door.

'I'd better go, I'll see you tonight'

'Yeah, see you tonight,'

After Jen had left the room Tilly lay back down and lost herself in re-living their wonderful kiss and in eager anticipation for the night ahead.


	6. Chapter 6

_Just a quick note to say thank you so much for the reviews and follows, it really does make my day when I get the notification. Also a special thanks to bialazetka for giving me the push I needed to get writing again! I know it's been a very long delay, the only excuses I have are the end of exams, work and one wild holiday to maga. Hope you enjoy, sorry not much happens in this chapter I think I need to watch some more jelly to get inspired! _

Tilly sat nervously at the edge of the bed, trying to restrain herself from checking the window for the hundredth time. She couldn't quieten the cruel voices of doubt that kept whispering that Jen wouldn't come, that she didn't love Tilly and never had. But earlier she had declared her love, surely that was enough proof? But with Jen, Tilly felt as though she could never be certain. She was always intense, it was one of the things Tilly adored about her, yet her intensity swayed dramatically between hot and cold. Startled out of her reverie by the beep of a car horn Tilly leapt to her feet joyfully. Taking the stairs two at a time in eager anticipation Tilly raced towards the front door, however stopped to compose herself before opening it, it would not do to show Jen just how eager she was. Tilly wasn't' one to hide her emotions but she didn't want to scare Jen off, not as soon as they were finally back to being friends.

Jen watched as Tilly left her house and started to walk over to the jeep. She looked breathtakingly beautiful as always in a figure hugging purple dress with the black tights showing off her shapely legs. Jen blushed as Tilly opened the door trying to push the multitude of inappropriate thoughts, that she should never have about a pupil, out of her head. 'Hey'

'Hey yourself' Tilly grinned cheekily back at her, showing her dazzlingly white teeth. 'So what's this film about then'? She sat back and watched in adoration as Jen dived excitedly into a description of the film and about the reviews she'd read so far. Jen wasn't just interested in conventional art, she could find art in everything and hearing her talking animatedly about why the cinematography of this film was so unique reminded Tilly how inspiring she was. It truly was amazing to listen to her passion and she found herself once again lost in listening to Jen speaking and watching her perfect face radiate her enthusiasm.

Both women, having being lost in their conversation, were startled when they arrived at the cinema. They grinned almost sheepishly at each other realising how intently that had been talking and Jen motioned to the door. 'Shall we go, it's half past we should be the first in.' Tilly nodded and left the car beaming, it was wonderfully strange to be doing something as ordinary as going to the cinemas with Jen. Going to art gallery's was different somehow for they truly could have been teacher and student on a field trip, but this, this was the sort of things couples did and it felt good.

….

As soon as the lights dimmed Jen felt the intensity heighten. She was so aware of the women sitting next to her, of the way her slender legs folded neatly around the other and of her hand resting only inches from her own. The urge to take hold of her silky skin was unbearable and as hard as she tried she could not concentrate on the film. Keeping her hands firmly wrapped around each other she chanced a side-ways glance at Tilly. The teenager also had a strangely determined look on her face and Jen wondered if she too was fighting down the chemistry between them that was all the more excruciatingly powerful in the dark. Taking quick glance around her Jen saw that the cinema was almost empty and seeing that there was nobody sitting too close she reached out tentatively and took hold of Tilly's hand. She saw the girl jump and then flash her a smile through the darkness before settling back to watch the film, visibly far more relaxed than she had been previously. Jen grinned, it was ridiculous how nervous they both were, especially her. It wasn't like this was her first relationship or anything but somehow with Tilly everything felt new, everything felt precious and she didn't want to do anything to jeopardise it. Of course even holding hands was breaking the rules she had set but deep down she knew, and so did Tilly, that it wasn't as friend that Jen had asked Tilly to accompany her tonight.

For a while Jen managed to drag her concentration onto the film but the hand in hers kept stealing her attention and her mind kept wandering to the place where Jen and Tilly were free to be together with no restrictions. In fact Jen was relieved when the film ended, the tension building had been almost too much to bare. She pulled Tilly to her feet as the credits started rolling and motioned towards the exit. 'Shouldn't we wait until everyone else is gone'? Tilly whispered in Jen's ear. Trying to contain the shudder of pleasure that had raced through her as Tilly lent in close Jen shrugged.

'There's barley anybody here, we should be fine.' Tilly nodded and followed Jen out of the cinema, marvelling at how gracefully she walked and how perfectly shaped she was, especially her…'Do you want anything before we go?' She was shaken from her daydream by the question and caught off guard she simply shook her head dazedly. They walked out into the dark night and Tilly welcomed the cool breeze now cooling her flaming cheeks, things had begun to get a little hot in the cinema. Her over active imagination seemed to fly into overdrive whenever she was in close proximity of her teacher.

On the drive home they sat in a comfortable silence, happy to enjoy each other's presence after so long of barley any contact. As they neared her house Tilly began to feel a mixture of nervousness and excitement stir in the pit of her stomach and as the car pulled in outside her house she mustered the courage and asked the question she was dying to ask. 'Jen, do you want to stay here tonight?'

Of course there was nothing Jen would love more but at once her conscious, which had been dormant all evening, reminded her of how inappropriate it would be of her to stay with Tilly. She started broodingly out into the darkness of the street, her mind and heart grappling ferociously with each other for control of her decision. 'Ummm, Jen?'

'Oops sorry Tilly lost in thought.' Jen shook her head ruefully, she had for the first time that night forgotten that she was with Tilly and got lost in her own internal battle. Tilly smiled indulgently at her before probing again.

'Well are you coming in?' Jen loved how forward Tilly could be and found herself nodding. Why did she always feel like the younger of the two? Tilly grinned, 'My parents won't be back until tomorrow night so we won't be disturbed.'

'Oh' Jen raised her eyebrows playfully. 'And what exactly will there be to disturb then miss. Evans?'

'Oops I didn't' mean it like that, I just meant, well you know you wouldn't want them to catch you here and…' Tilly trailed off looking embarrassed.

'Whatever, one track minded or what!' Jen smirked as she used the same answer that Tilly had once given here but at the same time giving her hand a reassuring squeeze before exiting the car and going to open Tilly's door. 'Ma'am' Jen opened the door with a flourish. Tilly laughed and jumped down before leading the way up the path and to the front door.


	7. Chapter 7

_So wow it's been so long since I updated this story but it's been such a busy year! I've decided that I want to finish this story because it started airing at a time when I was very uncertain about the way I felt and honestly (as cheesy as this sounds) it came at the right time and helped me at least admit some things to myself. But I've also decided not to follow the story on Hollyoaks because I feel that they deserve more than they were given on the show (even though we had some amazing moments!). Thanks to everyone who's reviewed, it means so much!_

…

They barely made it through the door before they were in each other's arms, greedily kissing and trying to relieve some of the tension that had been building all night. Tilly grabbed Jen's hand and was about to lead her upstairs when she froze. The landing light had just flicked on and she heard her mother's voice calling from upstairs.

'Tilly is that you? Where on earth have you been?'

Tilly turned to Jen whose face was a mask of horrified panic. Pushing her urgently back towards the door Tilly called up, desperately trying to stall her mother.

'Sorry Mum I've just been over Maddie's, go back to bed.' Quietly she opened the door and let Jen flee into the night before closing it silently and heading warily upstairs. What on earth was her mother doing back? And worse how much had her mother heard? 'Mum what are you doing back so early; I thought you weren't back until tomorrow night?' She tried to keep her voice light as she came face to face with her less than happy looking mother.

'The conference finished early so we decided to head back a day early, your father has a lot of work to do in the office. And why have you been out so late? I thought you had a lot of course work to do this week?'

'I finished my coursework before going out Mum.' Tilly tried to be calm, this was not the time to start an argument but it was so frustrating. Not only had her mother ruined her night with Jen but as usual all she could focus on was Tilly's school work. Sometimes she felt more like a trophy than a daughter but she knew deep down that in her own way it was her mother's way of showing concern. And after all things could have gone so much worse if her parents had been downstairs or had come down when they heard the noise. So Tilly forced a smile and headed towards her bedroom. 'Night Mum, I'll see you in the morning.'

'Good night Tilly'.

Tilly smiled once at her mother before closing the door and sinking onto the bed. That had been too close for comfort. Pulling out her phone she text Jen to let her know that it was all fine. But it wasn't all fine – Jen would be terrified and Tilly felt the familiar ache in her stomach return. She knew that this could be enough to scare Jen away again. All the progress they had made would be lost. Sighing she got changed and got into bed. As she drifted off she started to think of the ways she could repair the damage and despite her disappointment at how the night had ended she drifted off to sleep with the smile on her face and the memory of the passionate kiss playing again and again behind her eyes.

…..

Jen felt her phone buzz just as she was turning into the drive. Her heart was still pounding loudly in her chest and she took a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself before she reached for the phone. It was from Tilly. Wanting nothing more than to delete the text, run to her bedroom and hide from the world Jen opened the text knowing that if they had been detected she would have to face up to it. Grimacing she opened the message:

'Everything's fine, they were just home early from their conference. I'm so sorry Jen I really thought they would be out. Thank you so much for tonight I had an amazing time, it was lovely to spend time with you. And you can relax, there's no need to worry about earlier my Mum suspects nothing.'

Jen breathed a heavy sigh of relief. Silently throwing a thanks to any god that might be out there Jen finally relaxed. They had not been caught, everything was okay. But then she frowned. No it was not okay. Tonight had been too close – far too close. If they had been caught everything would be all over. Why was she so weak? So foolish? Now that she was away from Tilly all her doubts were allowed to creep back in and she remembered exactly why they had to stay apart. Sighing again, but this time in frustration she left the car, slamming the door behind her and headed into the house.

To her surprise all the lights were still on, despite Dianne usually insisting on an early night before school, and Dianne herself was perched nervously on the edge of the sofa with a mug clutched in her hand. And on the sofa opposite her..Jen's mouth dropped as the woman turned towards her.

'Hello Jen, so nice of you to finally come home.'


	8. Chapter 8

'Mum, what on earth are you doing here?' Jen was reeling in shock. She had not seen her mother for three years and all of a sudden here she was sitting in her living room with the familiar disapproving look etched on her face.

'I've come to visit my daughter' her voice had a forced lightness to it yet Jen could see that her mother was angry. She knew that the only reason her mother was even taking a stab at being civil was that Dianne was there. But her anger was seeping through and Dianne looking awkward stood up and made her excuses before disappearing upstairs. Wishing she could follow her Jen took a few tentative steps towards her mother. She did not however hug her or give any other sign of greeting but passed her and sat down warily in Dianne's vacated seat.

'So, how are you?' Jen too tried to keep her tone light and friendly but she was still in shock. Yes, her mother had been trying to get in contact with her for weeks now but the last thing she had expected was for her Mother to turn up at her home. Yet perhaps she should not be surprised. Her mother desperately wanted her to attend her brother's wedding and she would go to any lengths to get her own way. Of course it was only for appearances' sake that she wanted her there, she feared people would talk if she wasn't'. But Jen would not give her the satisfaction this time. Yes she loved her brother and wanted to be there for his special day but she simply could not face her family. Unlike her brother they had never supported her or her decisions and she could not bear to spend the day in their company. Liam understood this and had reassured Jen that it was fine with him, he had always been the only one who had ever supported her. Liam understood her but her mother was a different matter.

'I'm struggling to understand why my daughter is refusing to attend her only sibling's wedding.' All warmth had now left her voice and she was glaring at Jen. Clearly she had no intention of wasting time on small talk.

'Mum, you know why I'm not coming, you've all made it perfectly clear that you don't agree with the way I live my life and I am not going to waste my time with people who won't accept me for who I am. Liam understands that and their coming over here to see me after their honeymoon so that we can have our own celebration. He's told you all this so I'm not sure why you're here.' Once Jen would never have dared stand up to her mother like that but the years of being put down, of being made to feel ashamed for who she was were over. She didn't have to take it anymore, she wouldn't. When she had last seen her mother the way she had treated her had broken Jen but time had made her stronger.

Her mother's face flashed with rage and she got up slowly and started walking towards the door without a word. But then she stopped and turned back, contempt written all over her face. 'I suppose that's where you were tonight, with some other whore. Well I'm telling you Jen this is it, I've given you a chance but you've pushed too far. From now on I will not consider you a part of our family and when this disgusting phase is over you'll be sorry because you'll have no-one.' Without waiting for a reply she turned on her heel, marched towards the door and left without looking back.

Jen sat un-moving in the chair for hours, tears coursing down her face. She knew that this was how her mother felt but to hear it all again brought back so many painful memories. The old feelings of shame tried to push their way through all over again. When Jen was fifteen she had first kissed a girl and what followed were some of the worst times she had ever experienced. The story had circulated like wild-fire around the school and she had been tormented by her peers. But worse than the constant bullying she endured was the anger and disgust that her parents had shown towards her when they had found out. She had always hoped that one day she could tell them and that they would accept her but when a fellow parent had informed them they'd been furious. It had taken a long time for Jen to realise that there was nothing wrong with being gay, nothing wrong with being herself but the years of mental scarring were still there. And now it felt as though her mother's words had torn open all the old wounds.

Finally at one in the morning Jen uncurled herself from the shaking ball to which she had been reduced and made her way slowly upstairs. Without bothering to change or do anything she got into bed and pulled the blanket over her head. Eventually due to sheer exhaustion she drifted off but it was a fitful sleep, her dreams haunted by her mother's words.

However when Jen's alarm went at seven o clock in the morning she felt better. The evil thoughts that had plagued her in the dark hours now seemed easier to defeat in the beautiful light of the rising sun. She took heart from the beauty, as she had learned to do at the age of fifteen, and let herself smile. As she watched the sun dance on her windowsill Jen felt a burning determination surge through her. She was more than what her mother thought. She had decided years ago never to feel ashamed of who she was and she would stick by that promise. Seizing her phone she text Tilly arranging to meet in the shack after school, she had something she needed to say.


	9. Chapter 9

_Thank you so much again for the reviews, I really appreciate them! I just want to take a moment to rant to people who will understand my pain here so skip if you want! WHAT ARE HOLLYOAKS DOING TO JEN! I mean one minute she's kind and sensitive and wants to help Esther overcome being bullied..and now all of a sudden she's being a complete bitch. Lacking in character continuity much? Anyway hope you enjoy, I know I enjoyed writing it more than I enjoyed tonight's episode!_

…

Tilly felt nervous as she sat perched on the edge of the sofa in the shack. She had received an ominously short text from Jen early in the morning asking her to meet her here after school. She had been tempted to go and see Jen in class but somehow managed to resist. As she sat waiting her stomach seemed to be tying itself into knots, she felt sick. What if Jen had been scared off by the close call the previous night? Tilly didn't think she could stand it if she had to be away from Jen again. Checking her phone for what felt like the millionth time Tilly wondered what was keeping Jen. It was now half four and Jen had asked her to meet her at four. Perhaps she had decided not to come, to simply cut Tilly off without an explanation.

It was a further twenty agonisingly long minutes before Jen came bursting in through the door, her face flushed and her fringe out of place after rushing. 'Tilly..you're still..here..I'm so sorry that I'm late..Keeler…wanted to talk..' she panted. Catching her breath she stood in the doorway unsure of how she wanted to proceed. This morning she had been full of determination but now she felt suddenly scared and nervous.

Tilly was also feeling nervous but her relief overpowered her nerves. Jen had come. Even if her intention was to end things she had still come, that had to mean that she meant something to Jen. Slowly she got up and walked towards the beautiful woman. Lightly she straightened her fringe and smiled at her. 'Of course I'm still here, I will always be here for you. Jen I'm so sorry about what happened last night. I..' But Jen cut across her.

'Don't' worry about that Tilly, that's now what I wanted to talk to you about. Come sit down.'

Tilly followed Jen to the sofa and sat down. Her nervousness now overpowered all other emotions as she looked down at her hands, unable to look at Jen. People only told you to sit down when they had bad news. She had been right, Jen had been scared away. Already she could feel the tears beginning to form in her eyes. Slowly she raised her gaze, trying her best to be strong. The intensity with which Jen was staring at her took her by surprise, there was passion burning in Jen's eyes and Tilly could most feel the emotions swirling behind them. Wanting to give her time, Tilly simply took Jen's hand and waited for her to say what she needed to say.

Jen looked down as she felt Tilly's hand close around hers. Their hands looked so perfect together – they fit. Two broken pieces coming together to make something wonderful, something whole. Her mind was in turmoil – Tilly was everything she wanted and yet if anyone ever found out.. It was so unfair, they were in love why was it impossible for them to be together publically. It physically hurt her not to be able to take Tilly's hand and walk with her down the street, kiss her goodbye as they parted or tell everyone about the beautiful young woman. People always seemed to be talking about love and how wonderful it was, how love was blind and beautiful yet she knew that the very same people would shun the love she had for Tilly. They wouldn't understand it. Her mother for one would hate them for their love. Well Jen would not let them win. She was meant to be with Tilly, she was her soul mate and she had to let her know how she felt. Letting her eyes move up to the piercing blue ones she loved so much she opened her heart and let her emotions rule.

'Tilly Evans I need you to know that I have never felt this way about anyone before. When I'm with you I feel complete and happier than I've ever done with anyone. With you I feel like I can accept who I am. I hate it so much that we can't be together like other couples, I hate that the world wouldn't understand what we've got. But I can't let them ruin this, you mean too much to me. There's nothing anyone can do about how I feel, let them try – they would fail every time because you mean more to me than anyone else ever will. You mean everything to me.' Jen was panting by the time she'd finished. She'd poured everything she had into her words, all her love and honesty – laying herself bare for Tilly to see. But she knew she had to do it, she had to let her know how she felt. Tilly had been hurt by Jen too many times and Jen needed her to know that what they had, it was real and it was important. But in doing so had she revealed too much? As the seconds dragged painfully by with no response from Tilly, Jen's passion began to turn to panic. Had she taken it too far? Perhaps this was far more serious for her than it was for Tilly.

But her fear was irrational, Tilly was simply in shock. Yes she had dreamed of hearing Jen confirm that what they had meant as much to her as it did to Tilly but Jen was so guarded that she had never expected to hear it. As the words sank in Tilly closed the gap between them and caught Jen's lips between hers. Their kiss was full of passion and in that instant Jen knew that her emotions were mirrored in Tilly, she could feel it.

As the kiss deepened Jen leant back so that they were both lying down, Tilly's body on top of hers. The younger woman broke away and looked down seductively at Jen before starting a trail of slow kisses down Jen's neck and to her collar bone, her weak spot, and she shivered in delight as she felt Tilly's tongue trace its way along the bone. Moaning she reached down and pulled Tilly's face up towards hers, needing to feel her soft lips again. As their tongues interlaced, weaving a fiery dance, Tilly moved so that her legs were gripping tightly onto one of Jen's strong, beautiful calves and letting her dress ride up. Jen gasped in surprise as she felt Tilly's wetness on her leg through her underwear. Her eyes darkened with desire and she pushed her leg upwards so that Tilly moaned in delight. As they resumed their passionate kiss Jen felt Tilly take hold of her hand and begin to steer it downwards towards her burning core. 'Jen I need to feel you' she breathed into her lover's ear. Jen could feel lust coursing through her body and she longed to take their relationship to the next level. But with a self-restraint she didn't even think she possessed she pulled her hand out of Tilly's and gently sat up. 'What did I do wrong?' Tilly's voice was small and scared and the hurt was clear on her face. Jen ran her hand gently down Tilly's face trying to reassure the woman that there was no need to worry.

'Look Tilly, it's not that I don't want to do this. I do. I really, really do. But it's your first time and I want your first time to be special. It should be somewhere romantic not in some shack in the woods. You're worth so much more than that.'

Once again Tilly was taken aback. How had she been so lucky to find someone as perfect as Jen? Of course a part of her was frustrated; she wanted to unite them even further. But she realised that Jen was doing this for her, that this was the ultimate proof that what they had was love and not simply lust. 'Thank you', she said simply and placed a simple kiss on Jen's lips before wrapping her arms around her. They sat there arm in arm, not saying a word but simply enjoying each other's company until it started to darken outside. When the light began to fade Jen suggested that they ought to leave and reluctantly Tilly agreed. Outside the shack they embraced and Tilly kissed Jen before leaving. They always left a few minutes between each other leaving, just to be on the safe side.

Jen smiled to herself as she stood waiting for an appropriate amount of time to pass. Things could not have gone more perfect had she dreamed it. Finally she had told Tilly how she felt and now there was no turning back. They had acknowledged their feelings and let them control their actions and now she would simply enjoy the time she could spend with the girl she loved. They would have to be careful but Tilly was worth it. Jen was startled from her dreaming by a sound in the woods. She looked around her in panic for the source of the noise but could see nothing. Dismissing the sound she glanced down at her watch and judging that enough time had passed, she too left the shack and headed home, a wide smile on her face.

But had Jen taken a few steps into the wood she would have seen that the noise had in fact been made by someone and that someone had seen her and Tilly together in the shack. He had seen the two women kissing and had been filled with fury. It was unnatural and he had been seething with rage. But now the fury had subsided and had been replaced with a sense of purpose. He felt happy, content. Selecting a mark was one of the best feelings in the world and he was now giddy with a heady sense of excitement. They would pay, he would make them pay. Of course they were simply one more move in his game, they were not the end goal but it would be something to keep him entertained while he worked out how to achieve his ultimate goal.


End file.
